Does my relationship need counseling?
If you are asking this question, the answer is most likely, emphatically “YES!!” If you are seeking answers, help, and need to breathe life back into a lackluster relationship, then YES! If you are feeling heartbroken, disconnected, misunderstood or broken and unworthy, then “YES!”
What kind of counseling do you do?
We do relationship counseling. Relationship counseling by any other name would be marriage counseling, couples counseling, etc. We don’t care what the legal status of you relationship is. Your relationship is our client.
What we are not as a relationship counselors….
Firstly, we do not believe the first session is a He Said-She Said session. Our session is not for venting everyone’s pent up frustrations and anger at one another. I’m sure your spouse has heard your complaints about them and them about you. So let’s agree to not do things that way? OK??
Secondly, we do not control the outcome of the relationship. Both of you are the relationship owners. No matter which way the relationship goes there is work to be done together.
What about individual counseling?
If one of you needs individual counseling, we have someone to refer you to. Our counseling will be on the relationship solely but we usually deal each partners ‘uniqueness’ during the journey. We will not counsel clients individually as a general rule because the relationship is our client. Should the relationship dissolve, we can discuss about individual counseling to help with your life adjustment.
How do we do relationship counseling?
First, you should be willing to commit to 3 sessions up front. If you cannot do this, then it may already be too late to save your relationship but give us a chance:
- 1st Session – We to get to know each other. You both share how the relationship started and memories from courting. Hopefully, there has to be a consensus that the three of us can move forward and, of course, there is paperwork to complete. This is not supposed to be a mutual bitch session.
- 1st Session Homework – Each person will complete an online assessment at their leisure but before the second session. The assessment helps build a picture of areas of your relationship.
- 2nd Session – Both of you will receive a copy of assessment results. Then we will begin to review and discuss. Believe it or not, the assessment will show you both where both of you are ‘working well’.
- 2nd Session Homework – a commitment from both partners to specifically look for these areas that are working well and compliment the other when observed, felts, etc.
- 3rd Session – The third session continues where the 2nd session ended. Usually we end up looking at the areas that you both differ which are likely areas of contention in the relationship. These areas will be discussed and develop a framework for future sessions.
- 3rd Session Homework – a commitment from both partners not to use this new information to start/continue arguments or use any information in the assessment for self-seeking or selfish reasons.
- 4th session – mutual agreement
If you read the above, we believe in giving out homework. The purpose of homework is to help continue the counseling session outside of the office.
We don’t keep secrets as general rule. Secrets are toxic to relationships. Secrets are barriers to fulfilling relationships. We all have secrets so we will deal with these in the appropriate setting at the appropriate time. On occasion, we will agree to meet with one partner to discuss a sensitive topic; however, anything said is still sharable with the absent partner if appropriate. You will be challenged with picking the time and place to share it with your partner.
What if we decide to split up, separate or divorce?
Relationship counseling also deals with the dissolution of a relationships. There are too many ex-relationships in the world where people hate their ex-partners. And too many others affected by the dissolution. Children tend to be lost and confused during the process which makes them vulnerable in their future relationships. Friends of relationship are often casualties, too.
We do not need any more hostile relationships!! We can work through the anger, tension and loss together. There are healthy ways to deal with the dissolution and termination of a relationship where two people are left healed and not broken….and they are not leaving a battleground of injured others. In divorce situations, lawyers are more than willing to work through this process while billing you all the time but they are not skilled in this either.
Final Thoughts: Sex
In relationships, sex at some point becomes an issue for one or both partners. Here is something, we compiled based on conversations with couples: Spice Up Your Sex Life